Immersion vs Losing yourself

Why is one a bad thing, despite having similar meanings?

Okay so like, unpopular opinion. But who hates hearing that it’s a bad thing to lose yourself in motherhood? For me, it was probably one of the most unsettling things I heard before I had my baby. Which, again, no shade but like why tell someone that who is expecting? RUDE! Side note: to all of my mom friends who had kids before me, IM SORRY. You really just don’t know until you know. But back to our original topic.

Losing yourself in motherhood. I get it. I get why people say it. What I’ve found, is that you become a whole different person after becoming a mother. This, in my opinion, is to be expected and there is not a thing wrong with becoming a new version of yourself. The negative connotation that comes with this is typically in respect to becoming burnt out, overwhelmed and experiencing all of these negative emotions as a result of the death of the person you were. Now although all those things may be true, there is quite a bit of beauty that accompanies the changes. I mean for me, personally, I became more headstrong on my beliefs and boundaries. Don’t get me wrong, this changed quite a few relationships in my life. For instance, my marriage. We have a beautifully blended family and I adore my bonus babes. But managing parenting a new baby and continuing parenting two older children who don’t predominantly live with us and have a whole different set of rules in their other home? Hard! I don’t care who you are, it’s hard! But here’s the thing. The baby you made cannot talk, or advocate for themselves, so you as this new person are responsible for making ALL of the decisions to keep your baby safe and healthy.
Now for me, I’m not really a half ass kind of gal. So yes, I’m going to fully immerse myself in the craft that is “being a mama.” Why? Because I didn’t wait this long to have a baby for shortcuts. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m human. Do I baby led wean? Do I give him everything I’m eating? No. Does my baby does eat healthy, researched, appropriate stages of food according to his age and capabilities? Yes! Hey, we’re all just doing our best, right? Like no one is intentionally making mistakes. It’s a learning curve. Now, if you’re anything like me, that takes effort! It takes time and effort! You don’t just wake up knowing everything. So, why can’t I lose myself in motherhood? Why do I have to be the best mom ever but I can’t do what I need to do to be that? That is confusing to me. It sounds a little bit like some contradiction. What’s another unpopular fact: the most pressure and judgement I’ve experienced has been at the hands of other moms. Like, why do we do that to each other? It’s hard enough. Let’s not make it harder. So yeah, I mean if you don’t already have post partum anxiety like myself, and already think you’re doing everything wrong, let’s throw in some unsolicited advice and judgement from people who have been in your shoes. Honestly, maybe this is why we do it. Why we lose ourselves in motherhood. Because you know who isn’t judging or critiquing you? The little sleepy babe you’re rocking to sleep every night. I say rocking, but maybe you’re nursing, maybe you’re putting down drowsy like “they” tell you to, maybe you’re turning on the tv or a sound machine. However you do it, it’s exactly what your little one needs and you know that because you’re the center of their world. Losing yourself in motherhood? I prefer to think I’ve found myself. Xo