What is it that they say about not being able to pour from an empty cup? Well, that couldn’t be more true in this hood we call motherhood! Believe me, much easier said than done. I get that more than you know! As someone who suffers from post partum anxiety, I for sure can understand – when, how, where? When you’re navigating how to be a mom, and at the same time you’re told you need to leave them and take care of yourself? What the –?
Now that, is a really interesting concept — especially as a first time mom. This is not to negate those who continue to suffer from PPA with multiple children, but my experience is with my first and only bio baby. So what I would recommend and what worked for me, are baby steps! So I started with an awesome concept – virtual therapy. For just an hour a week, from the comfort of wherever I am, I have a video chat with a therapist. Not just any therapist, however. I get the pleasure of working with a therapist who has a specific background of motherhood, fertility, and family. Now we’ll touch on why this was specifically beneficial to me and my experience in another post, but it was definitely necessary.
In my current age group, I have many friends who have had children, suffered from loss or had some experience with a mixture of the two. So when my husband and I began our journey, it was imperative I had the support I needed. Now that being said, I know it is for sure not easy to admit you need additional support, especially in the form of therapy or maybe medications. But I’m here to tell you, it’s hard. There is NOTHING wrong with needing support. In my opinion, if you can have it, or you have access to it– why not?! The same goes for medications. We live in a country where we have these things at our disposal. This is not to say that it is easy or cheap to come by, just that it exists. So if you are able, I definitely recommend utilizing these resources. Although friends are a big help, sometimes we just need a little more and again, there is nothing wrong with that! To speak more on this, sometimes we don’t realize how much pressure this puts on our friends. We may not realize at times, depending on the friends we seek comfort in, they are actually internalizing our feelings and troubles also. This can put a strain on some of these relationships, which, at this time in your life, who wants that? So, we’ve covered speaking to someone. However often you need to, it helps. Be honest. Be so honest, even if it’s embarrassing. I know that when I had gone to therapy before, I wasn’t always completely honest. I wasn’t just dishonest with them, but dishonest with myself. I think this was because I was so scared of what I would learn about myself after admitting all my truth.
Turns out, I’m not as awful as I thought. I’m not as messed up as I thought. But also, I’ve done a pretty okay job at being self-aware. Which like, the hardest part is admitting you have a problem, right? So. That’s what you do. You take a minute, or two. You say okay, what keeps happening to me? Or what situations do I keep finding myself in? Patterns are super important. Just be honest with yourself and really try and figure out what do you need, what would work for you. It may not be therapy. Maybe you want to pick up a hobby, or restart a hobby you once had! I’ve heard so much about moms “losing their pink” and about trying to get it back. Maybe something familiar is actually the answer that you’ve been looking for to get out of this rut you’re in. It’s not going to be easy, and sometimes it can take a while, but this is a marathon, not a sprint. You have plenty of time to work on you. You’re a work in progress, and that’s perfectly okay. So am I. I have therapy once a week. I like to go to the gym, but since having my son, I haven’t really had a chance to. So I improvise! I work out at home. Or we recently started going on long walks. Sometimes it’s just my son and I, and other times we go as a family. Sometimes, my self care involves not going at all and my husband takes the crew to let me sleep just a little longer. The best is getting messages from my favorite big kids on this walk wishing me a good morning. it doesn’t have to be drastic and you don’t have to worry about finding this thing for you right after giving birth. But keep it in the back of your mind. Just making sure you stay on top of you. Make sure you’re holding yourself accountable for taking care of you. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup! Xo